1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,919
[opening theme music playing]

2
00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:19,227
I'm worried, America.

3
00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:21,020
It's the boy.

4
00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:24,149
There ain't no way
to sugar foot around it,

5
00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:26,192
so I'm just going to come out
and say it.

6
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:29,029
That's right… he's odd… funny.

7
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:30,697
Not "Ha, ha," funny, you know.

8
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:35,827
Off. Now, don't get me wrong,
he's a Mac and I love him,

9
00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:37,954
but he ain't
like the rest of us.

10
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He's a little different.

11
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I know it, we all know it.
Always have.

12
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:43,710
He like Marilyn
on The Munsters…

13
00:00:43,793 --> 00:00:44,836
she a little strange,

14
00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:46,337
she wasn't like
the rest of them.

15
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From the very first weekend
he got here.

16
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:52,510
See, you know, they didn't bring
any toys when they first came

17
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:55,430
so Wanda and I took them all up
to the Citywalk, you know,

18
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:58,183
and let 'em pick out anything
they like, right?

19
00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:01,352
Well, there was
this magic shop…

20
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:02,687
I want this!

21
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His name's Wooden Willie.

22
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Isn't he great?

23
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[Bernie Mac]
Yeah, Jordan, he is great,

24
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but I don't know,
you'll probably get tired of him.

25
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No, I won't. I promise.

26
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You said I could have anything.

27
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Yeah, Jordan, I know, but, I--

28
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I'm a million miles from Chicago.
I have no friends.

29
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[Bernie Mac] You would've done
the same doggone thing.

30
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I mean, what kind of kid
want a ventriloquist's dummy?

31
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I tell you what kind. A dummy. Please.

32
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Like I'm going to have
Willie Tyler and Lester up in this piece.

33
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Now, y'all think about it.
Nobody'd want to live like that.

34
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Yeah, I dodged the bullet.

35
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So how was I supposed to know
the bullet would ricochet?

36
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Bing, bing, bing!

37
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Hand me that ketchup.

38
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Watch, watch.

39
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[Bernie Mac] Jordan.

40
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Alla-kazan, alla-kazon.

41
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I wave my hands,
and this ketchup is gone!

42
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Good, good.
Now bring my ketchup back.

43
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:07,252
I can't, Uncle Bernie. It's vanished.

44
00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:10,755
I'm standing now, Jordan,
bring back my ketchup.

45
00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:13,007
Wait, I have something
in my eye.

46
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[screams]

47
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,888
Oh, not my eye!

48
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Anything but my eye!
[mock screams]

49
00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:23,685
[laughs]

50
00:02:23,768 --> 00:02:24,811
Oh, it's creamer.

51
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Poof?

52
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,484
Don't encourage him.

53
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,820
Oh. Well, that was
kind of good, though.

54
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:36,823
America, this boy
is driving me crazy.

55
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I'm telling you… Look, America,
I keep hoping inside my heart

56
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:44,247
that this boy lose interest
in this magic crap,

57
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,708
but if he doesn't, America,
I got a problem.

58
00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:47,834
What I need to know…

59
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How do you know if this kid
had a genuine passion

60
00:02:50,044 --> 00:02:53,047
or just a normal interest that
you could discourage or squash?

61
00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,633
Penn, Teller,
y'all got to help me, man.

62
00:02:56,217 --> 00:02:58,678
You know, uh, Bernie,
magicians can be

63
00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:01,264
some of the geekiest freaks
you'll ever meet, you know that.

64
00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:03,141
But there's an upside, right?

65
00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:05,560
I mean, you can take a complete loser,
teach him magic,

66
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:06,895
and it gives him the confidence

67
00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:10,106
he might need to act
in a normal social situation.

68
00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:11,190
I mean, look at Teller.

69
00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:13,484
He's been doing magic
since he was six years old.

70
00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:16,279
It's brought him out of his shell
loosened up… Look.

71
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:19,407
-Wow, I never looked at it like that.
-Yeah.

72
00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:21,242
So, magic helped you meet people

73
00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,286
-and create friends, right?
-Yeah, look at him.

74
00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:25,455
He could sell you a car.

75
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,082
He… he don't talk.

76
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,209
No. You'll warm up to him after a while.

77
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He likes you.

78
00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:38,176
I'm so lucky Miss Spellman
made you my lab partner.

79
00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:40,011
We're totally going
to get a B  on this.

80
00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:41,554
[chuckles] You know what?

81
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:44,182
-I think we need more green balls.
-Mm-hmm.

82
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:49,729
What?

83
00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:52,440
You have a quarter in your head.

84
00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:54,484
-What?
-I have X-ray vision.

85
00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:57,111
You don't believe me?

86
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,076
Hey, that's pretty good.

87
00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:05,495
You like magic?

88
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:06,829
I guess it's all right.

89
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,456
Wow. Most people hate it.

90
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:09,916
Then why do you do it?

91
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:12,460
You're pretty funny, kid.

92
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,381
Jordan, get out!

93
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:23,763
I bought the boy the magic kit
just to shut the boy up.

94
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:26,599
I didn't think he was going
to become obsessed with it.

95
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,227
Well, honey,
everybody has their thing.

96
00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:30,436
What's your thing?

97
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,522
Come on, baby,
you know mine's comedy.

98
00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:34,440
But comedy's cool.
Look at Richard Pryor.

99
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:35,733
Women love comedy.

100
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What's the first thing a woman
like about a man?

101
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:38,820
Sense of humor.

102
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:41,656
Woman don't care about no man
pulling no rabbit out of slacks.

103
00:04:41,739 --> 00:04:44,867
Yeah, well, David Copperfield
had Claudia Schiffer.

104
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,744
Yeah. Siegfried had Roy.

105
00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:47,870
I mean, how the boy…

106
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,290
Why the boy don't become
obsessed with something normal?

107
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:52,166
First it was bugs, now it's magic.

108
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:54,127
What he going
to become obsessed with next?

109
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["This Magic Moment" playing]

110
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♪ This magic moment ♪

111
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♪ So different and so new ♪

112
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♪ Was like any other ♪

113
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♪ Until I kissed you ♪

114
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♪ And then it happened ♪

115
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:20,278
♪ It took me by surprise ♪

116
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:23,156
♪ I knew that you felt it, too ♪

117
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♪ By the look in your eyes ♪

118
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Oh, my God,
all my sorority stuff.

119
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[chuckles] Oh…

120
00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:43,051
Wow, I haven't seen this stuff in years.

121
00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:44,218
[laughs]

122
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:45,762
Garbage!

123
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,014
Aunt Wanda.

124
00:05:48,097 --> 00:05:49,807
-Yes, sweetie?
-Can I talk to you?

125
00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:51,601
Yeah.

126
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,519
What do you do when you…

127
00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:54,645
like someone?

128
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:56,981
You mean, like a girl?

129
00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:58,900
Jordan, you like a girl?

130
00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:01,986
Oh, that's so sweet. Who is she?

131
00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:04,697
You're blushing!

132
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,074
Do we know her?

133
00:06:06,657 --> 00:06:09,285
Yes. Yes!
Did y'all hear that, America?

134
00:06:09,368 --> 00:06:11,329
The boy is normal!
I knew he was.

135
00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:12,413
Hallelujah!

136
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:14,332
I mean, forgive my exuberance, America.

137
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I know that boy just got
a little harmless crush.

138
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,086
The first of many.

139
00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:21,005
But if the Mac Boy
wants to be a Mac Man,

140
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:23,132
he gotta learn
the way of the Mac.

141
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,969
And what I know…
you can't buy in no store. [chuckles]

142
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,931
First of all, Jordan,
you got to be real smooth, okay?

143
00:06:30,014 --> 00:06:31,390
Now, let me hear
your opening line.

144
00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:33,309
Hi, I'm Jordan.

145
00:06:33,392 --> 00:06:34,602
[giggles]

146
00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:36,521
Right line, wrong delivery.

147
00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:39,607
Son, you go to put a little bit more
swerve in it a little more bass.

148
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,734
Like this. Dig this, here.

149
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,277
Say, hey, good-lookin'.

150
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:45,988
I couldn't help but notice you
on the monkey bars.

151
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:49,158
You want to climb the jungle gym
with a real swinger?

152
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:53,788
Oh, please. Jordan, just be
your own sweet self.

153
00:06:53,871 --> 00:06:55,748
Baby, we trying to get
the girl, okay?

154
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:56,916
He will.

155
00:06:56,999 --> 00:06:59,043
[clears throat]
And then all of a sudden, Jordan,

156
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:02,588
you smooth up on her
real nice and tight,

157
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,340
then you put
your arms around her…

158
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,219
[sniffs]

159
00:07:08,302 --> 00:07:10,096
Boy, you ripe.

160
00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:11,347
You spoiled.

161
00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:13,099
And that's rule number one.

162
00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:14,976
You have to understand
something about women.

163
00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:17,895
Women don't like a man to smell
like an onion, right?

164
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:19,230
-No.
-Okay? Now, come on.

165
00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:21,899
I'm going to take you upstairs,
going to smooth you out some.

166
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,152
Put "Smell-Goods" on you.
Come on.

167
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:27,196
[sniffs]

168
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,031
Ugh…

169
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,283
You know what?

170
00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:34,662
I envy Jordan, America.
First crush, young love.

171
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,082
It's a magical time
in a young man's life,

172
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:41,544
and I was just about the same age
when I first was afflicted.

173
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,546
What was her name?

174
00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:46,257
I think her name
was Loretta Washington.

175
00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:48,968
Yeah. She gave me
a little stuffed bear

176
00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:51,846
that said,
"I Wuv You Bear-y Much."

177
00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:54,724
She swiped it from
the Quickie-Mart on the corner.

178
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:57,226
Now, America, that's love, boy.

179
00:07:58,269 --> 00:07:59,687
I cherish that thing.

180
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:05,109
"I Wuv You Bear-y Much."

181
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,319
Hmm.

182
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,449
Oh, that can go.

183
00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:12,700
What?

184
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,369
Bernie, these are all
your old love letters.

185
00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:17,205
I know.
[laughs]

186
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,289
♪ Garbage! ♪

187
00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:19,707
Hold on, hold on, Wanda.

188
00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:21,834
How you think I might want
to keep all that stuff?

189
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,586
What? What, this ratty old thing?

190
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,296
Why you going to keep this?

191
00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:28,466
It's not that I want to keep it.
I just didn't throw it away, baby.

192
00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:31,802
Come on, come on, come on, Wanda!
Come on, now.

193
00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:33,971
Okay, look, baby,
you could throw this away,

194
00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:35,556
or I'll throw it away for you.

195
00:08:43,564 --> 00:08:44,899
One less step.

196
00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:51,113
["Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic"
playing]

197
00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:01,415
♪ Though I've tried
Before to tell her ♪

198
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:07,004
♪ Of the feelings I have
For her in my heart ♪

199
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,885
♪ Every time that
I come near her ♪

200
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,887
♪ I just lose my nerve ♪

201
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:19,308
♪ As I've done from the start ♪

202
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,061
[popping]

203
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:24,730
♪ Every little thing
She does is magic ♪

204
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:27,567
♪ Everything she do
Just turns me on ♪

205
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:30,278
♪ Even though my life
Before was tragic ♪

206
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:34,323
♪ Now I know
My love for her goes on ♪

207
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:44,083
♪ Do I have to tell the story… ♪

208
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,669
That was so awesome! [giggling]

209
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:50,715
You're so lucky.

210
00:09:50,798 --> 00:09:52,133
I wish I had a talent.

211
00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:53,926
You don't need a talent.

212
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:57,430
Your talent is being the prettiest girl
in the whole wide world.

213
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:00,850
You're so sweet.

214
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:03,853
Jill?

215
00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:09,358
Uh, I've got to go.

216
00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:11,777
Jill, wait!

217
00:10:13,237 --> 00:10:14,405
You make me sick!

218
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,077
[door slams]

219
00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:24,206
[exhales]

220
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:37,720
"Kitchen stuff," Bernie?

221
00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:40,514
You didn't throw away
a damn thing!

222
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:41,932
Come on.
What you care? They mine.

223
00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:44,101
Do you have any idea
how insulting it is

224
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:47,605
that you are holding onto love letters
from old girlfriends?

225
00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:51,317
I mean, would you like it
if I kept letters from old boyfriends?

226
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,569
I wouldn't mind. I got you now. [chuckles]

227
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:54,737
[mock chuckles]

228
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:56,447
That's even more insulting.
I ought to…

229
00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:59,200
-Come on, come on, Wanda.
-Uncle Bernie, she kissed me!

230
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:00,993
What? You hear that, baby?

231
00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:02,703
The boy got his first kiss.

232
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:04,121
Congratulations, son!

233
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:06,582
What did I say, America?

234
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:09,502
The boy's a Mac, and all Macs
can mack, I told you.

235
00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:12,254
Well, jiminy, I don't know
a lot about macking,

236
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:13,964
but I do know
a little bit about women,

237
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:17,718
and they like magic tricks,
shiny stuff, and cash.

238
00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:19,970
The boy didn't have
any cash or shiny stuff,

239
00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:21,555
so I think it was the magic.

240
00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:23,599
Oh, come on, man…
Playa hatin'.

241
00:11:23,682 --> 00:11:26,394
It wasn't no doggone magic,
it was the Mac, I tell you!

242
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:27,978
No, no, no.
Let me tell you something.

243
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:30,981
For years,
Teller wasn't getting any action.

244
00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:32,942
Learned magic,
now he's got more girls

245
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:34,860
than he can shake
his stick at.

246
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:37,780
Go ahead, Teller, show him the trick
that got you your first piece.

247
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:39,740
-That's a bean. Show him the bean.
-Uh-huh.

248
00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:41,826
Puts the bean right on his
tongue, there, see?

249
00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:42,952
Now watch this.

250
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:45,204
Imagine you're on a date,
and you're doing this, okay?

251
00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:47,331
Now you've got her attention.
Now she's watching.

252
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,792
-Now she's watching him carefully, right?
-[guttural sound]

253
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:52,336
You're showing her that your
sinuses are wide open and that…

254
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:53,629
Get your hand out there.

255
00:11:53,712 --> 00:11:55,923
Now this… is intimacy.

256
00:11:57,591 --> 00:11:58,884
Ah…

257
00:11:59,176 --> 00:12:01,429
See? Even worked
on you, didn't it?

258
00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:03,097
Stank in there.

259
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:04,348
That is nasty.

260
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,808
Yeah. Sexy, too.

261
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:07,852
Good going, freak.

262
00:12:07,935 --> 00:12:09,979
Now Jill says she doesn't want
to be my lab partner.

263
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,105
I hope you're happy.

264
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:12,815
You cost me a B .

265
00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:14,775
Uh, what's this about Jill?

266
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:17,069
Ask him, he's the one
who made out with her.

267
00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:18,904
It was making out? Yes! I knew it…

268
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:21,782
Hold on, wait, wait. You mean
to tell me the girl you like is, uh--

269
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:22,867
Jill!

270
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:25,578
So you telling me, Jordan,

271
00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:27,329
I helped you make out
with a 14-year-old?

272
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:30,458
You helped him?
God, you're both sick!

273
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,210
[musical bear plays]

274
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:41,635
A 14-year-old girl, America.

275
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:45,139
See, I told you
the Mac mojo was strong.

276
00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:47,850
I mean, I'm talking
about potent stuff.

277
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:51,353
See, I never should've put the power
into the hands of a small boy.

278
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:54,690
And now look, he's headed
for a big-time heartache.

279
00:12:54,773 --> 00:12:56,484
And I feel terrible.

280
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,402
You know, I'm beginning to think

281
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:01,155
Jordan had the right idea
being a magician.

282
00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:04,783
'Cause see, magic isn't real.
Just a bunch of tricks.

283
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:07,536
But when the lady stick
the sword into the box,

284
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,623
it doesn't hurt
like this is going to hurt him.

285
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:13,042
So, why did you have to label it
"kitchen stuff"?

286
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,376
-[rustling]
-Oh, come on, Wanda.

287
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,628
It's the principle, Bernie.

288
00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:18,297
Uncle Bernie, could one of you guys
take me to a florist?

289
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,341
-I've got to buy my baby some flowers.
-Hold on.

290
00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:21,759
Jordan, why didn't you tell me

291
00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:23,677
the girl that you liked
was your sister age?

292
00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:24,762
Why does it matter?

293
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:28,390
Jordan, come on, sit down.

294
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:31,310
We… we need to talk, man.
We need to talk.

295
00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:34,146
-Jordan--
-Uh…

296
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:36,357
Go ahead, go ahead, baby.

297
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:39,860
Honey, this might be
a little difficult to understand,

298
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:41,445
but, um,

299
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,656
the problem is, is that Jill

300
00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:46,158
-is a lot older than you are.
-[Bernie Mac] Mm-hmm.

301
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:49,286
And girls mature faster than boys.

302
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:50,996
So?

303
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:57,211
I'm afraid that Jill doesn't like you
the way you like her.

304
00:13:57,878 --> 00:13:59,463
I don't like her, I love her.

305
00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:03,342
Now, hold on, hold on.

306
00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:04,426
Listen up, pimp.

307
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:07,846
What's she trying to tell you is
that you might get hurt, Jordan.

308
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:11,141
Oh, Jill wouldn't hurt me.
I mean, we banged teeth a little bit,

309
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:12,434
but we'll work on it.

310
00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,106
Um… Jordan…

311
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:22,194
You didn't tell Jill
how you're feeling?

312
00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:24,697
That's a great idea!

313
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:26,073
I'll go right now!

314
00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:28,409
It's… [quietly] not a suggestion.

315
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:32,705
Uh-oh.

316
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,750
I think I, uh, better make
his favorite tonight.

317
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:39,879
Yeah, 'cause they fall hard
at his age, you know that.

318
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:40,963
Mmm.

319
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:44,383
I wonder how long it's going to take him
to get over this.

320
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:45,926
If he ever will.

321
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,222
You know what, Bernie?

322
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:53,767
You can keep the box, it's fine.

323
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,603
I'm okay with it.

324
00:14:57,187 --> 00:14:58,188
Really, Wan?

325
00:14:58,439 --> 00:14:59,440
No.

326
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:03,319
But I'm not going to make you
throw out your memories.

327
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,237
[knocking]

328
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:14,580
What are you doing here?

329
00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:15,998
I thought you'd want to make out.

330
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:18,000
I got 20 minutes
till the street lights come on.

331
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,418
Are you dense or something?

332
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:21,795
What do you think?
You're my boyfriend?

333
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:24,590
Like I'm going to go out
with some 8-year-old dork magician.

334
00:15:24,673 --> 00:15:25,758
I'm nine.

335
00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:26,926
Who cares?

336
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:29,011
-Would you please just get lost?
-But…

337
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:30,721
But… but we kissed!

338
00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:32,723
[squeals]

339
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:35,100
And if you tell
anybody that, I'll kill you.

340
00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:36,477
I swear.

341
00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:42,566
[rock music playing]

342
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:51,617
♪ Love stinks ♪

343
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,327
♪ Love stinks ♪

344
00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:55,704
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

345
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,039
♪ Love stinks ♪

346
00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:58,540
♪ Love stinks ♪

347
00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:00,626
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

348
00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:02,127
[grunting]

349
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:04,088
♪ Love stinks ♪

350
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,298
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

351
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:07,633
♪ Love stinks ♪

352
00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:09,468
♪ Love stinks ♪

353
00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:11,470
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

354
00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:14,932
[soft music begins playing]

355
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:18,560
♪ I left my home ♪

356
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:23,023
♪ I left my home ♪

357
00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:26,652
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

358
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:33,033
♪ Where I should go ♪

359
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:37,413
♪ Where I should go ♪

360
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:41,125
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

361
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:45,838
♪ Nothin's gonna save you ♪

362
00:16:45,921 --> 00:16:50,634
♪ Nothin's gonna
Save you out there ♪

363
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:53,595
-Vanessa?
-What?

364
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:57,391
I know Jill's not talking to you,
but did she say anything about me?

365
00:16:58,142 --> 00:16:59,226
Are you high?

366
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:01,186
-She said, "hi"?
-[laughs]

367
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:02,730
[groans]

368
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:06,108
Hey, you really liked her,
didn't you?

369
00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:09,945
You know what?
Jill's not right for you.

370
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:11,572
I don't care that she's older.

371
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:12,865
That's not it.

372
00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:13,949
She's an idiot.

373
00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:16,035
You're just saying that
to make me feel better.

374
00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:19,121
Jordan, I would never say anything
just to make you feel better.

375
00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:25,878
Hey, champ, feel a little better?

376
00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:27,296
A little.

377
00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:30,632
Hey, Jordan, uh, where your…
your magic stuff?

378
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:31,925
I don't see your magic stuff.

379
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,969
-I threw it out.
-Why would you do that?

380
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:35,804
Because magic's for dorks.

381
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:37,306
Who told you that?

382
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:39,308
What does it matter?
You never liked it anyway.

383
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:46,065
Jordan, it really
don't matter what I like.

384
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:47,483
You love magic.

385
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,736
Well, I love Jill, too,
and look what that got me.

386
00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:54,823
[sighs]

387
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:55,908
Jordan, come here.

388
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,034
Listen.

389
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:01,080
Jordan, as you grow up,
you're going to have a bunch of crushes.

390
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:03,082
They're going
to come and go.

391
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,875
But when you really
love something…

392
00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:08,420
I mean really, really love something,
you're going to hold on to it.

393
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:10,798
And you're going to keep the things
that you really love

394
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:13,133
and you're going to throw out the things
that you don't.

395
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:16,095
And, son, that's what magic
means to you, Jordan.

396
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:18,847
Yeah, maybe someday.

397
00:18:24,394 --> 00:18:27,356
You know, you just hate to see
your loved ones suffer.

398
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,943
I wish I could ease
the boy pain, but I can't.

399
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:34,321
See, there's no good medicine
for a broken heart.

400
00:18:34,404 --> 00:18:37,741
That's part of life, America, and you
just have to let it run its course.

401
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,452
And it will. In time.

402
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:45,707
But the sad thing about it, America,
it robbed the boy of his magic.

403
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:49,878
Now, if I can give that back to him,
I cleave, oh, Lord, I would.

404
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:50,963
It's a shame, Bernie.

405
00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:52,381
You know, he should've never gone

406
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:54,341
-with the queen rising trick.
-[snaps fingers]

407
00:18:54,424 --> 00:18:56,677
That's rookie stuff.
He should've gone with fire.

408
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,680
You know, Bernie,
chicks dig… chicks dig fire.

409
00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:01,098
Just, you can do…

410
00:19:04,768 --> 00:19:06,019
Wow.

411
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,359
Get that going.

412
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:14,611
Wow.

413
00:19:16,029 --> 00:19:17,406
Give it a try, Bernie.

414
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,117
[smacks lips]

415
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,619
Go ahead, just…
Yeah, open your mouth and put it in.

416
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:23,996
Ain't no meat on it.

417
00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:34,131
Wow.

418
00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:37,009
No, no, no, man.
What's wrong with y'all?

419
00:19:37,092 --> 00:19:38,218
This is crazy.

420
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:39,636
If I catch that boy doing that,

421
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,597
I'm going to clap him
right across the jaw.

422
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:42,806
This is crazy.

423
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:43,974
Both of y'all, y'all weird.

424
00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:45,851
You and… and your…

425
00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:47,394
And… and you
and the mute stuff.

426
00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:49,479
You know, you…
you act like his dummy.

427
00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:51,106
[ding]

428
00:19:51,815 --> 00:19:53,233
-Dummy…
-[ding]

429
00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:56,778
[chuckles]

430
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,405
Might need an idea later.

431
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:02,743
Jordan, honey, dinner!

432
00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:04,077
[Jordan] I'm not hungry.

433
00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:05,162
Come on out here.

434
00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:07,080
I got somebody special
want to see you.

435
00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:08,957
-[Jordan] Who is it?
-Don't worry about it.

436
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,042
Come out and see it.

437
00:20:14,129 --> 00:20:15,464
Wooden Willy!

438
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:17,216
Thank you!

439
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:18,592
Thank you!

440
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:23,055
[scoffs] Great.
The dummy's got his dummy. Now can we eat?

441
00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:25,307
Ugh, I am sick
of Swedish meatballs.

442
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,893
He's funny lookin'.

443
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:30,229
Well, I got a kid making
my funny faces.

444
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:31,313
What's your excuse?

445
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:32,981
All right.
Enough of the funny jokes.

446
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,274
Come on, let's eat.

447
00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:36,526
No more potatoes for you, fatso.

448
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:38,946
You have more chins
than a Chinese phone book.

449
00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:41,323
What's this,
an audience or a mosaic?

450
00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:43,492
I never thought
I'd say this, but…

451
00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:47,120
I miss the stupid magic.

452
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:52,960
Young love.

453
00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:56,588
I remember I hid in the bushes
and she fell down,

454
00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:58,382
and I actually fell on top of her.

455
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:01,343
And I tried to get up,
but she pulled me back down.

456
00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:04,096
[chuckles]
I said, "What you doing?"

457
00:21:07,724 --> 00:21:09,101
You know…

458
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,354
Think I was about six.

459
00:21:14,815 --> 00:21:16,275
I used a condom.